God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
