dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
