the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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