I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
