Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
