I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
