I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Say something about gay babies.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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