you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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