Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
