I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
