I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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