Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
