he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this will be a night to untag.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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