Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
