Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
