No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
