I think I died a long time ago.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
