He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
