May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
