so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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