Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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