He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
