Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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