NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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