we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
