She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
