he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
