Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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