is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
