I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize