Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
