and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is the high leading the old right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
