I'm jealous of your bromance
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
