i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
