Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
