they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
