i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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