I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
