Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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