they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
