What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
