I faked an abortion last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Shame - the story of my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
