I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
