It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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