Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
