thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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