I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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