soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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