so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
