I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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