just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
