hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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