hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
