it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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