Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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