I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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