I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
