Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Rumble strips road head = magical
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
