i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize